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King Hearing Casts Muslim Americans as Clueless – The Nation

Dear Muslim Americans,

It’s been a while. You probably thought we wouldn’t follow up on the 9/11 follow-up of persecuting you and throwing that cousin of yours in ‘Guantanamo’ for selling marijuana to a Senator’s daughter, but here we are again. Although we, the upstanding citizens of the United States of America, never really knew you existed before September 11th, and haven’t bothered to understand you since, you have certainly always provided us with sensible comedic material, and one can’t put a price on that. But, you must understand, September 11th constitutes a deep scar on the stars and stripes in our red, white and blue hearts which have bled for our dead countrymen and will continue to do so as long as we don’t find a plug to clog the pain still seeping through, therefore we must ask you why you are all the spitting image of a terrorist. It’s a legitimate question, and objectively you haven’t been able to procure us with an appropriate answer. As I gaze upon the American horizon with all its Yellowstone Parks and Grand Canyons and Mount Rushmores, and I begin to levitate with patriotism, I cannot help but choke on the grief I feel when I see that you are still allowed to rest your head on this great country that is the United States of America. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure a bunch of you are great people, but why must you continue to taunt us, and mock the memory of our dead heroes, by continuing to pray to your malevolent God on your flea-ridden rugs of death, don your veils of terror, your beards of tyranny, and eat our babies? Hey, it’s not your fault. You don’t know any better! Why wouldn’t you help your brother build a trip-wire triggered pipe bomb and post in the mail for him if he asked you? He’s family, and family comes first. You are yourself subject to radical propaganda like the lot of us, but because of the religion you practice, you are more vulnerable to ideology swings. Why would you love this country, you’re Muslim. We understand. We are just trying to help you understand what is happening to your community. Do not doubt Peter King’s intentions as chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee. Joe McCarthy helped our great nation weed out the bad apples, distinguish the ‘reds’ from the ‘red and blues’. Peter King is trying to accomplish the same for a new generation. If anyone is to hold fair, constructive hearings, his IRA-supporting rants should be evidence enough that he understands your people. Furthermore, he has allowed no actual American Muslim expert to testify, so we can find comfort in that the hearings will not be infiltrated by any of your free world hating brethren. Now we could beat around the bush all day, toss around ‘hypotheticallys’ and ‘what ifs’ as we attempt to “humus you up”, but really as the issue seems to lie in the terrifying, nebulous depths of your pious minds, the question asks itself: must you really provoke us and be so obstinate in your desire to remain Muslim? Think about it.

With Love And Compassion,

America

Note-worthy: “No one is disputing that terrorists with professed religious motivations pose a violent threat. But as Ellison made plain in his testimony, extremists “are individuals, not a community.””