A PIPE TO SMOKE ALL NIGHT

Amid Skepticism, Debt Panel Pressed to Make Deal – NYTimes

Lock up your daughters, put the women and children to bed. An eternal precept suitable for contemporary UK of all places. As time inexorably persists its immutable existence, same-sex marriage becomes a reality in the Empire state, the IMF leader a soon to be acquitted pervert, and the United States stands at the precipice of closing another empirical chapter, one cannot help but hang their head with nostalgia for the simpler of times of daily strafe bombings in middle eastern countries we did not even feel the need to point out on a map. Instead, Starbuck’s coffee shops across the English nation have been closing early, “MPs have been forced to return early from their summer holidays”, and I just do not recognize western society anymore.

Having finally put their bickering aside long enough to patch up something of a budget plan, both parties can now sit back and look into the crystal ball that is the UK to see what may await them. Ill-advised budget cuts, unfairly administered in already struggling neighborhoods, the result of partisan politics,  have given way to looting and arson. Looking for a purer motive than the need for free ‘trainers’ and brand new HDTVs is the productive thought process, but a long boring, rainy (read: London) summer, far from the caipirinhas and sun burns of the south, can bear the bulk of the finger pointing. This may however translate a more profound issue, swept under much the same rug under which the French one already hides. The Americans seclude it in the far reaches of Jamaica, Queens and Compton, California, but our beloved welfare state forces the unfortunate to serve the Fortunate sloppy joes at the cafeteria, leaving little free time for ransacking and generally causing ‘kerfuffles’ and ‘ballyhoos’. Although such actions will achieve no political or social gain, it should serve as the necessary cautionary tale for stateside Republicans, since the simple good of the country is not enough to warrant de-prioritizing their lobbyist checks in favor of tax hikes for the Forbes cover boys.

A bigger man than I would evaluate the demotion of the United States from a AAA student to a mere AA+ one, the buckling at the knees of the euro zone, and the return to 19th century tactics of rushing into public unrest straddling horses as a mere Keynesian dip, routine in nature. However, money-hungry partisan politicians aren’t exactly the type to heed any kind of warnings, much less look beyond their fat wallets, which is why I have decided to cry pandemonium and relocate underground, stack up on MREs, Jack Daniel’s and back issues of Hustler magazine (the apocalyptic world gets very lonely). Those equally fearful among you who wish to join me may do so. A word of warning though. Those wishing to rub elbows with the right people (me) will be in charge of our financial system, while those unwilling or unlucky will be relegated to maintenance and masseur duty.

Note-worthy: ““I approach this task like all tasks in Washington, with high hopes and tempered expectations, ” said Representative Jeb Hensarling, a Texas Republican and co-chairman of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction, whose six Senate members and six House members are divided evenly by party.”

YOU BROKE MY HEART

Behind the Hunt for Bin Laden – NYTimes

As I sit here munching on my freedom cereal, so blissfully sweet in this post-bin Laden world, I ponder the appropriate finishing touches for the e-vites to my upcoming “We Got bin Laden” party, which promises to be an evening of star-spangled celebration and all-American festivities, complete with ‘Osama’ piñatas and decorative patriotic banners endorsing over-eager slogans of all sorts like “Osama Bin Gotten’, or ‘Night Night Osama’ and ‘America…Fuck Yeah!’. Party bags will include ‘Obama Got Osama’ t-shirts for all attendees and Seal Team Six costumes which everyone will be encouraged/forced to wear for the re-enactment of the daring nighttime raid that killed the most evil man in the world, giving us all a real-American erection in the process and solidifying our return as the most bad-ass nation in the universe. Those with preferences as to whom they wish to portray should indicate them on the RSVP form. We still need a bin Laden…

Osama bin Laden’s demise has been the press’ fixation for a little more than a week now, casting away such trivial stories as killer hurricanes and remorseless floods to the media backlogs, opting instead to gawk at any tidbit of gossip they could get their tweets on. The result is a more knowledgeable people, more educated on the mechanics of a madman’s mind and the inner workings of his evil terrorist organization. Information being the most influential of currencies, Americans are now wealthier than they were knowing that ‘Mr. al-Qaeda’ had trouble “getting it up”, groomed his beard, regularly drank Coke AND Pepsi (undefeated in the Pepsi Challenge), and watched himself on TV whilst stroking his grey beard.

It does not take long for opinionated extremes to emerge after the most wanted fugitive perhaps in human history is taken out by allegedly the most powerful man in the world (≠ Hu Jintao). Redemption turns to narrow-minded patriotism for some. Bitterness over Operation Iraqi Freedom and European Guantanamos (or just plain G-Bay) turns to dogged scrutiny for accountability for others. The termination of bin Laden has not been 10 years in the making, but at least 15. Bill Clinton and his administration, along with George Tenet’s CIA, pondered countless hours and issued innumerable directives with the sole objective of killing or capturing bin Laden, knowing full well that the latter was doubtful. At the time, Osama did not constitute the legitimate target he would following the 2001 terrorist attacks, and efforts to subdue the leader of the ‘Qaeda’ were often bogged down by legal issues and CIA reticence to be labeled murderers. 2,977 American casualties later, the label would turn to ‘hero’.

There is a critical component to keeping our standards of legal proceedings and ethics above those we condemn for atrocities. Enemies whose belligerent tactics depend on slipping through the cracks of “legitimate warfare” pose a significant challenge to executives who strive to protect their people while still upholding the constitution. In essence, perhaps less hesitation and more decisive action from the Clinton administration would have saved lives that fateful September morning. Perhaps it would have simply postponed the inevitable. In the wake of an undeniable act of retribution, it is important to grasp the intricacies of the most costly manhunt ever. First and foremost, although the former leader of al-Qaeda and Luca Brasi are now bedfellows, lower Manhattan winds still flow freely between West street and Vesey street where they were once thwarted by huge cement golems. Empty chairs still surround dinner tables across the nation. The United States still represent an ideological abomination to scores of seasoned mujahideen and new recruits alike. A bullet to the eye, whether it has bin Laden’s or Moe Greene’s name on it, will not convert anyone. Alternatively, as long-time regal lunatic King Lear would ramble, “nothing will come of nothing”. The scandalized reactions of a Noam Chomsky on the other hand seem relevant, and yet unbalanced. To condemn it as an act of murder without so much as acknowledging the complexities of the issue or the legitimacy to the sense of avengement felt by some (New Yorkers?) seems more like high-browed rhetoric than constructive analysis. Bin Laden has conceivably never killed an American himself, let alone half a Russian. Then again, Mr. Corleone would surely not have been the one to get his hands dirty had his offers been refused. In the end, the boldness of such an “assassinapture” can be appreciated, but a death is hardly cause for celebration. The end of Osama bin Laden should neither be lauded nor flat-out condemned. Rather, one can only hope this to be the final casualty of September 11th.

Note-worthy: ” “They’ve reached the target,” he said. Minutes passed. “We have a visual on Geronimo,” he said. A few minutes later: “Geronimo EKIA.” Enemy Killed In Action. There was silence in the Situation Room. Finally, the president spoke up. “We got him.” “

[UPDATE – 05/13/2011] Suicide attacks in Pakistan kill 80 – Wishful thinking!

FIREBALLS AND BOLTS OF LIGHTNING

The Arab uprisings: Endgame in Tripoli – The Economist

As the autocratic dominoes/crucial western allies continue to fall, all eyes have fallen on the ‘double 6s’ that is Libya and its authoritarian ruler Qaddafi, sporting a look that would make fellow insane person Kim Jong II jealous, but who should really be swapping his military briefs for a poncho before getting skillfully disarmed by ‘The Man With No Name‘. Achieving ‘Cruella de Vil‘ degrees of derangement, Muammar “Soup Nazi” el-Qaddafi has vouched to rid his country of a population and rule only himself. The current trend in the Middle East dictates that his efforts are doomed to fail, which is why Qaddafi is resorting to unprecedented repressive means. In the absence of suitable candidates for finger-pointing other than the blatantly obvious lunatic under the pink umbrella, it seems only reasonable that the true culprits be held accountable for every innocent Libyan life lost fighting for their country’s freedom: social networking. Indeed although Qaddafi may be the only one currently able to digitally update his status (“is thinking salmon mousse for tonight’s Oscar party”?), after a sweeping victory in Egypt, it seems safe to say that Facebook and Twitter have really dropped the ball on this one. After helping coordinate protests in Cairo, spread opposition missives and, following now retired washed-up dictator Hosni Mubarak’s desperate buzzer-beating hail mary attempt of media censorship, helping journalists get the word out on daily happenings, wall posts and tweets have shown themselves powerless, unable to prevent the Libyan streets from being painted red. The death toll has reached such unattractive proportions that it has pressured even the UN Security Council to re-prioritize their respective oil interests in the region and denounce Mr. Qaddafi as something of a ‘douche bag’, further positive PR for Google. Surely ‘Androids’ and ‘YouTube’ would have the situation well under control by now.

It is rather unbecoming of the United States to consider that the country would sooner and quicker fire SCUD missiles on unsuspecting civilians in the name of spreading democracy, freedom, and finding disappearing weapons of mass destruction, than deliver a butchered people clamoring for help from a tyrant with a merciless fist. As the Middle East continues to demonstrate to the former Bush administration that they are in fact evolved enough to be masters of their own destiny, the Egyptian people accomplished what fundamentalist martyr Sayyid Qutb envisioned (albeit with a considerably larger role for Islam) and bin Laden right-hand man Ayman al-Zawahiri sought to produce for years through violent means. The future, however uncertain in years to come, is finally filled with hope, and the present inexorably beautiful following the events of the un-worthily named “18 day revolution”. However imperfect a science it is to study the butterfly effects of geopolitics, the beats of Mohammed Bouazizi‘s wings rippled throughout the world, lighting fires had that been attenuated for too long in too many arab souls. If it was its moral imperative to save the Iraqi people in the name of God, then perhaps it is now America’s subsequential duty to impose a cessation to Libyan hostilities/assist the Libyan rebels, if only because the Iraqi people, as bloody as it would assuredly have been, never got to seize their own destiny and initiate their own revolution. Memo to Baracky: silver bullet to the desert jackal’s head, “wasn’t me”  answers all ICC questions.

Note-worthy: “Mr Qaddafi, with a characteristic mix of bluntness and illogic, declared that his ideology was “theoretically” a genuine democracy, but in reality, “the strong always rule.” “I was the one who created Libya,” he is said to have declared recently, “and I will be the one to destroy it.””

EVERYBODY HIT THE D-E-C-K

Tucson Shooting Survivors Struggle With ‘What If?’ – NYTimes

Eleven score and…3/4 of a score more ago, the great nation known as the United States of America, which would ironically prove to be united for but a very minute portion of its history, was conceived amidst rebellious spirits, languid from persecution, and hopeful of a possible home for liberty and justice, in which both could finally end their eternal bickering and realize they were made for each other. Its constitution, or its first draft anyway, was elegantly worded and befitting of the grand project in democratic ideals that the conception of this country constituted. Granted, excerpts such as “all men are created equal” would later be scrutinized for its hypocrisy, and rectifications would soon arrive in the form of amendments to polish up the admittedly imperfect piece of legislation, but really, what finely-tuned automobile doesn’t need a few test-runs before seeing its true potential. Since its inception, there have been twenty-seven amendments, the first ten of which are referred to as the Bill Of Rights, ratified in 1791, of which the second was quick to ensure that no government would ever pass a measure that could confiscate our precious pistols and rifles, lest we be powerless in the event that our slaves refuse to tend to their chores or perhaps worse whenever the unsavory Duke of Ellington has the indecent idea of tarnishing the good name of your ‘madame’. Yes, this is America: the stars and stripes, the Bald Eagle and the right to “pack heat like the oven door.”¹ One cannot simply scrap the ideals on which a country was founded. In this sense, this nation may have already lost its heart and soul in 1924 when it provided Native Americans with the right to cast votes, actually granting them ‘human-being’ status, or perhaps we should have realized something was awry in 1974 as even Texas achieved sanity when it finally rendered illegal the “justified shooting” of an adulterating wife and her lover if they were to be caught in the act by the former or latter’s spouse. Rest assured though red, white and blue gun-nu…aficionados, you can still count on government remaining steadfast and sticking to their 18th-century ‘guns’ when it comes to regulating firearms.

It has been just about three weeks since the Tucson shooting when we were finally able to proclaim that we started the year with a bang, pun intended or not depending on your fancy of dark humor. Setting aside the drastically over-mediatized aspect of Senator Gifford’s case compared to any student’s at Virginia Tech (after all our elected officials were put into office to lead, not to die), President Obama’s plea for a civil political discourse following the tragic events, free of finger pointing and name calling was much welcomed, albeit for naught. After all was said and done and Slim Shady and Hitler both shouldered their share of responsibility for influencing the troubled mind behind this attack, the issue of actually cracking down on firearms could only be found mentioned on liberal internet forums or perhaps a lonely blog/column on the New York Times website, tumbleweed rolling past, a hot dry air blowing through. It is blasphemy in today’s political forum to question a two century-old constitutional amendment. Could it be that America tolerates these shootings because the legislation that protects gun possession places on the podium of a symbolic set of amendments? Why would we take away your Desert Eagle when it is your fundamental right as an American, clenched fist and all?

Gun lobbyists are correct, it is people who kill people. Those people just happen to use guns as a means to their ends. Regardless, if you want gun control, and can’t be bothered to wait for the Virginia-Tech inspired bill that has stalled for over three years in the dark confines of the Senate, then running for public office just got another perk, joining actual health care. They qualify for public safety. Christina-Taylor, one of the Tucson shooting victims who will never get to see double digits, did not. Perhaps the political discourse should focus on her. Wait, scratch that, let’s focus on the fact she was born on September 11, 2001, bring Islam back into the conversation and blame Iran for the whole thing. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Note-worthy: “Perhaps nobody asks himself more questions than Mr. Zamudio, 24, who arrived at the Safeway parking lot just as the shooting stopped, his gun tucked inside his jacket.”

1:^-Z, Jay. “Heart Of The City.” The Blueprint. New York: Roc-A-Fella Records, 2001. Vocal.